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“The best music is essentially there to provide you something to face the world with.”
- Bruce Springsteen -

Thursday, October 10, 2013

#104 Land of Hope and Dreams by Bruce Springsteen

“Big wheels roll through fields 
Where sunlight streams
Meet me in a land of hope and dreams”

My recent interest in trains has grown from my son’s own fascination with the “choo choos”.  People are interested in many things that I have a hard time understanding – knitting, golf, coin collections, but with trains, I think I get it. Trains are time. Trains are lives lived. Trains are history.  Trains transcend the moment.  Trains open up the world by allowing people and things to change their moment in time – to go from one place to another. A train ride is a promise. A train ride is the future.

None of us truly know, though we may think we do, what this life is all about and where we are going, individually and collectively. We just know we are on a ride, and most of us would not give up this ride no matter how bumpy and shaky it gets. Yet, one thing is for certain, this ride will come to complete stop. What lies beyond is beyond me…if it’s nothing then it’s nothing for everyone and I won’t know any different…if it’s something then I hope it’s something beautiful I get to share with those I love. This train, my train is on its way somewhere, carrying every part of me that ever was – my sins, my shame, my achievements, my pride, my joys, my worries, my fears, my regrets, my heartaches, my uncertainties, my love, my life….and I can only hope it is going to the sun-filled fields where my hopes and dreams have journeyed somewhere alongside me.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

#103 Kitty’s Back by Bruce Springsteen

One million Springsteen fans are about to crucify me for the following (as if I have that many followers):  This song is so uninspiring.  I got nothing – no feeling – no thoughts – no insights.  This is one of those songs that show up on a sign amidst a crowd of fans hoping to hear it played for the “5th time with the E street band on a Monday on the east coast”.  If you hear it played, it’s like you’ve won some Springsteen song lottery.  I’m sure there are many who love the song (cringe).  I’m certain my youth and lack of familiarity with this old school lingo has left much for me to be desired.  I’m certain many people love it because the first time they heard it was with their first boy/girlfriend sitting on a ’69 Chevy.  The song remembers when….I guess.  Sorry Kitty, but you’re going on the back shelf with Rosalita (yeah, that’s right – you can crucify me when I get there).

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

#102 Kingdom of Days by Bruce Springsteen

“With you I don't hear the minutes ticking by
don't feel the hours as they fly
don't see the summer as it wanes
Just a subtle change of light upon your face”

Nothing has made me feel the passing of time like having a child.  I can still remember endless summers and indulgent month-long Christmas times, or at least the dream of them.  I just gave birth to my son, blinked, and he is one.  Life is too god damn short and it makes me angry.  It’s short and it’s hard.  It’s filled with heartache and loss.  And it’s beautiful and something I wish I could fully embrace.  Growing old, though, is not beautiful.  I don’t care how many people say gray hairs are a sign of wisdom and therefore beautiful…laugh lines are the fossils of many happy years….it’s not beautiful – it sucks!  Aging takes your body and maybe your mind.  When you are finally old enough to realize your beauty and your worth – it all begins to fade, to wither.  And like a melancholy lullaby we are rocked back into a life of dependence and quiet solitude, hopefully with someone else to hold us and love us into the great unknown.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

#101 Jungleland by Bruce Springsteen


“Outside the streets on fire in a real death waltz
Between flesh and what's fantasy and the poets down here
Don't write nothing at all, they just stand back and let it all be”

When a life event completely overwhelms me, devastating, wonderful, exciting, I find it very difficult to write about it.  I’m torn between wanting to capture the moment in some tangible way and just letting it be, living in the moment.  The moment I discovered the one I love loves me, losing a much loved pet, the birth of my child and every moment with him thereafter.  All of these moments I have not written about, maybe a brief line or a notation in my journal for the sake of dated memories, but nothing written could ever capture those moments in any substantial way.  Anything written would be swept up in the chaos, a whisper in a storm.  The poets in Jungleland faced a reality they felt powerless to change, to capture in words in hopes of freeing themselves from its grasp. When nothing changes for so long, you can only believe nothing will ever change and your hands, your pen, your words, are not powerful enough to change anything.  It would be easy to “let it all be”, but as one of my favorite song lines says “It’s not the world that I am changing….I do this so this world will know it will not change me” (Garth Brooks).  And so I write…..

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