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“The best music is essentially there to provide you something to face the world with.”
- Bruce Springsteen -

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

#99 Johnny 99 (wow - how did that happen?) by Bruce Springsteen

"A fistfight broke out in the courtroom they had to drag Johnny's girl away

His mama stood up and shouted "Judge don't take my boy this way"

3/17/12: With Springsteen’s new album out with songs like Jack of All Trades and Death to My Hometown, my inclination is to write about the current state of affairs and how the story of Johnny 99 is another tragic outcome of “a world gone wrong”. Johnny took the opportunity “Jack” only dreamed about. However, on the eve of the eve of the day my first child, my baby boy, is due to join us on this earth, one emotion of this song stands out more than the rest. Johnny’s mama….

Jump to 3 and ½ months later: On March 18, 2012 at 6:03 a.m., I gave birth to my first child, my son, who is everything beautiful about the world. Needless to say my life has been quite busy since that day and filled with the deepest love I’ve ever experienced, a love that gets stronger despite my doubts that it’s still possible. I think of how much I love him and how much I want for him in life. I want him to embrace life, be passionate, compassionate, introspective, silly, light hearted, a deep thinker, and everything I am and everything I am not.

“Judge don’t take my boy this way”. How Johnny’s mother must have died that day. How her heart must have been torn from her as she watched her boy surrender to the world.

I leave my child to go to work or school and my uterus aches. I physically feel the separation, possibly like twins when they experience each other’s pain from miles away. My son has become a part of my physicality. I am not whole without him, and for now, he is not whole without me. Some day he will choose a way, a way away from me, away from my husband, away from home. He will face this world and all its choices – a thin line between winners and losers, a thin line where dreams are found and lost - and all I can do is pray he won’t “get caught on the wrong side of that line”. All I can do is love him with all I have and give him a place to return, a heart that will fight for him no matter where he resides in life. Like Johnny’s mother, I will fight for him to the end. Even if he loses faith in himself, I will hold it for him. No matter what…I will love you C forever…no matter what.

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